Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
false alarm. still invincible.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
