goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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