i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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