You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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