You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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