You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
