THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
