Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
