she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Panties = found
Randomize
