fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
