Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
