I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
