he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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