it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
