people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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