We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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