I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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