hell yes lets make some ravioli
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
