We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
