I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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