i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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