Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
