My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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