Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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