i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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