a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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