I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
