Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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