Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
wow bdsm is so cute
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
