we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
