a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
