3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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