I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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