R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
