I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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