This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
