Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
