I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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