I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
