sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
