Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
