on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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