No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
