so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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