I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just googled if crying burns calories
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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