I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
