Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
