Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We don't watch enough power rangers
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
