he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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