the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
