I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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