Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
