Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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