Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
