he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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