went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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