I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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