ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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